Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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