I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
