Will you blow on my dice?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
