you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let's paint friendship bongs
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
