There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
