if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
