I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
