Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
