Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
