I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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