i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
