she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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