I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
and you fell through a lawn chair
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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