The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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