the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dignity is for republicans.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is Oprah even human
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
