dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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