I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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