they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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