I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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