You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
