people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
