I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Everclear isn't food dammit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
