happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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