she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
