i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
