I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
