He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
