Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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