she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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