i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
