I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Maybe he injected his testicle?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
