I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
