hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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