He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
