enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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