i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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