You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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