Everything about him screamed your future.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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