so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
