I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
