I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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