its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Two words: blizzard sex
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
