Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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