i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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