I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
