exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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