I'm eating all of the evidence.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
