My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
