Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
