My nipple is on Facebook.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
