I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
