Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
